October Update
It has been a while since my last real update. This is partly due to the fact that I have been staying busy. It is also partly due to various amounts of processing I have been doing in my life these past couple months.
The semester is already half over. It has really flown by. The weeks seem to come and go as quickly as the candy I get from the ARC. I just finished a major step in this semester, a 19 page paper for my Old Testament class. I had a 30 minutes presentation with a friend to do in class, as well as a group paper of 2500 words on open theism. Group papers are so difficult to write.
Coming to this year, I was excited for my classes, but not in the same way that I was excited for what we will get to do second semester. It has taken all this time for me to shift my attitude to greatly appreciate my classes for what they are, and try to take full advantage of them.
Team Sherpa, the name for the 2nd year Explore team, definitely has created opportunities to grow in many different ways. Most of us know each other really well from last year. However, two people, in particular one of the guys, did Explore two years ago. This means I do not know him very well. Because he is a 3rd year student, he is in completely different classes and has a completely different schedule than I do. So it was naturally harder to establish a friendship. This created some conflict within the group. Some people were feeling left out, almost rejected by the others, some really didn’t know where they even fit into the team. This is something we had to deal with (and are still dealing with) as a team.
Coming into Explore, I had to deal with a lot of uncertainty in my previous choice of career. At the end of last year, I had thought I wanted to become some sort of camp director. However, I began to question that after coming back this year. So then I had to wrestle with the question, “why am I even here at Prairie and in Explore?” If this has nothing to do with what I am going to do for a career, then it almost seems like a waste of time and money.
Part of why I wanted to figure out what I wanted to do with my life comes from my goal of someday being the head of a family. I had to resettle my convictions on starting this process. Now I have come to a place of peace, and am patiently (for now, at least) awaiting a day when it will be right. It is funny though, how God sometimes answers prayer. His knowledge is above mine, His thoughts higher. Still it is funny when God doesn’t answer prayer the way you think He would.
Throughout it all, I have felt a much deeper connection with the LORD God. At times I cried out to Him in desperation, and He was faithful to comfort and calm my weary soul. I praise God for He truly incredible greatness and goodness, that His lovingkindness endures forever. That He is a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness. His love endures forever.
Perhaps tonight, the first fruitset with the 1st years, is a good picture of what is happening in my life right now. A fruitset is where we go out to the train tracks and watch the sunset. We all have a piece of fruit which we eat in unison. These sessions are rated on four separate, 1-10 scales: the beauty of the sunset, the uniqueness, the group (attitude), and the fruit. This one was rated 8, 5, 8, 9 respectively. That brings an average of 7.5, which is decent. The group was Dustin, Beth F., Anna, Samantha, and I. Hopefully more of the first years will join in later.
