For the past several days I have been wearing a skirt, a lot. Never again.
Archive for the ‘Life’ Category
Hmm
Monday, October 1st, 2007Value
Thursday, September 27th, 2007What do I value? This is the question I was asked right before I started to climb up a telephone pole. Once at the top of the pole, I would stand up on the very top and jump off. What do I value?
Minutes later I was clinging to the top of the pole, wondering if I had the nerve to risk all and stand up on the 8 inch diameter pole 40 feet in the air. Finally I pulled one foot up. Balancing with my hands and left foot,I slowly began to bring my right foot up. Soon I would have to let go with my hands and balance only with my feet on this swaying piece of wood. Slowly, ever so slowly I brought my right foot up. Almost there, the wind began to blow. It was hard to keep balance. I knew I had to make a decision quickly whether or not to continue.
I asked myself, “Why in the world am I doing this?” If I quit and climbed back down I would be thought of as a coward by my peers standing down below who were watching my every move. I had to go on. I could not live in the midst of my peers if I did not finish. The very thought of being called a coward was repulsive.
At last, I had both feet on top of the pole and stood up to my full height. A roar of triumph escaped my lips. Goal one was complete, but now I had to move on quickly. Directly in front of me about 6 feet above my head and several feet out was a trapeze bar. Goal two was clear, I had to jump and grab the bar. If I missed the bar my life would be over. Or would it?
What would happen if I didn’t get the trapeze bar? It seems obvious enough, I would fall. My self-worth would be shot to pieces knowing I failed in doing something others could do. Somehow I would feel I wasn’t good enough, or even that I was no good. Come on, anybody can jump, it isn’t that far. I was finding value in what I could do, in how well I could perform. And if I messed up or failed, I would have no value.
I jumped off with no idea what would happen next. In the few moments that I flew through the air many emotions surfaced. Anticipation. Hope. Excitement. Triumph. Anger. Failure. My right hand almost wrapped around the bar, but fell just short. All my hope and value were crushed in one moment. I fell. I failed. This was the end of my life.
This is not how I am called to live as a child of God. God’s love goes way beyond my performance, which is very a good thing. My performance has a limit, God’s love does not. I need to realize this and take refuge in it. No longer does my life need to be ruined when I fail.
I fell only a inches before the belay team standing on the ground stopped me. My harness held. The top rope belay system took the shock of my fall. I was lowered to the ground safely.
There is a freedom in not finding my self-worth in my performance. When I do fall “the harness” of God’s love catches me. It was holding me the entire time. It really doesn’t matter to God that I couldn’t complete the goal. At first glance this makes it seem as if I don’t even have to try. Indeed, why would I if I knew God loved me no matter what? So in a since, this ideology makes it harder to try hard. I am okay with that. I like to try hard. However, my reason for trying hard is different now. No longer for my self-esteem but to push myself and grow.
Backpacking Photos
Sunday, September 23rd, 2007
Landscape
Josh Climbing
Dylan and Josh making the tarp shelter
Toby, Tory’s son
Toby and Ethan
Oren
Tarp Shelter
Landscape
Nathan
Landscape
Mom looking after her little chicks
Team
Dylan and Josh Fighting on top of the mountain
Landscape
Landscape
Kerry and Nathan under tarp shelter
Nathan, Josh, Kerry
Landscape
Josh, Nathan
Landscape
Me on a ledge
Josh on a ledge
Nathan
Samantha, Josh, Kimberly
Kerry’s tarp shelter
Nathan in sleeping bag
Josh, Kimberly, Nathan
Landscape
Landscape
Nathan with Hawk
Doug’s broken arm
Julie
Mr. Collins
Nathan
Samantha playing Blood Sport
Nathan playing Blood Sport
Dylan playing Blood Sport
Dustin slacklining
Nathan Slacklining
Nathan and Dylan
Moosen on backpacking trip
Nathan, Josh, Dylan, Me
Me annoyed at Nathan
Tory’s boys nice and dirty
Kerry
Dylan and Josh jumping into frigid cold water
Kimberly pumping water
Frost on sleeping bag
Nathan and I on Cliff Peak
Dylan diving
Josh diving
Samantha, Dylan, Kerry, Josh, Kimberly
Me
The Raft
…
Saturday, August 25th, 2007Note to self: Never play basketball again.
Yeah I’m homesick now.
End of an Era
Saturday, July 28th, 2007Last night I had my last violin lesson, perhaps forever. It has been a good 6 years. I really enjoy my violin teacher, Gabriel Feurdean. I will greatly miss taking lessons from him.
On another note, for the first time I seriously hurt myself playing frisbee yesterday. Up until now, I have enjoyed an injury free career. However, I strained some muscles in my upper arm/shoulder that will prevent me from playing for a while. The bad thing is, I didn’t even catch the frisbee I was diving for. Almost, but not quite.
It was an interesting game. Basically it was 2 on 4, with me being on the side with 2. Sam and I also had this girl on our team, but she didn’t do hardly anything. I don’t think she understands that one must move quickly to get open. Oh well. On the other team were 3 good guys (including my arch rival, Noah) and my sister, who is also good. I enjoy playing with odds like this. It makes me have to work harder and I gain skills more quickly.
Anyway, we were down about 8-4. Sam threw the frisbee out ahead of me and I was running all out to get it. We would have been able to score had I caught it. I dove stretching as far as I could. Somehow I landed and got hurt. Oh well. Depending on how slow my arm heals, that could have been my last frisbee game before I leave. That is not an exciting prospect.
I remember when I pulled my shoulder muscle a long time ago. This is basically the same, though not as intense pain as then.
18
Saturday, June 16th, 2007The day has finally come and gone. American culture places a lot of emphasis on this particular birthday. Now I can buy bb’s and spray paint. I can also vote, for whatever good that will do.
Actually, this was the most laid back birthday I have ever had. I didn’t really do much. In the morning Mom and I went to apply for a passport. at 4pm I left for the coffee shop. I ended up running into Ernie and talked a little while. He is a hoot. At 5 I had an hour-long violin lesson. At 7 I arrived at the Woodwards for Adam’s going away party.
As always, we ended up playing ultimate frisbee. The game was a good one. We stopped at 4-4 to go eat. Later we continued, but with mixed up teams. My team was down 6-2. We made a comeback and tied the game at 6-6. Then 7-7. Finally the other team scored the last point and one 8-7.
I made one dive that was almost awesome. It would have been if I had caught the frisbee, but I missed it. Kaylin had the frisbee, and I called “endzone” and she threw it. She threw it hard. It went way back into the endzone and just a little too far for me. But it was fun.
Today we resume the ultimate. This time we will be playing at McIntosh with my frisbee. Joe Echols may even show up. If he does, perhaps even some more Echols will, such as John and Mary.