Exploring the World

Value

What do I value? This is the question I was asked right before I started to climb up a telephone pole. Once at the top of the pole, I would stand up on the very top and jump off. What do I value?

Minutes later I was clinging to the top of the pole, wondering if I had the nerve to risk all and stand up on the 8 inch diameter pole 40 feet in the air. Finally I pulled one foot up. Balancing with my hands and left foot,I slowly began to bring my right foot up. Soon I would have to let go with my hands and balance only with my feet on this swaying piece of wood. Slowly, ever so slowly I brought my right foot up. Almost there, the wind began to blow. It was hard to keep balance. I knew I had to make a decision quickly whether or not to continue.

I asked myself, “Why in the world am I doing this?” If I quit and climbed back down I would be thought of as a coward by my peers standing down below who were watching my every move. I had to go on. I could not live in the midst of my peers if I did not finish. The very thought of being called a coward was repulsive.

At last, I had both feet on top of the pole and stood up to my full height. A roar of triumph escaped my lips. Goal one was complete, but now I had to move on quickly. Directly in front of me about 6 feet above my head and several feet out was a trapeze bar. Goal two was clear, I had to jump and grab the bar. If I missed the bar my life would be over. Or would it?

What would happen if I didn’t get the trapeze bar? It seems obvious enough, I would fall. My self-worth would be shot to pieces knowing I failed in doing something others could do. Somehow I would feel I wasn’t good enough, or even that I was no good. Come on, anybody can jump, it isn’t that far. I was finding value in what I could do, in how well I could perform. And if I messed up or failed, I would have no value.

I jumped off with no idea what would happen next. In the few moments that I flew through the air many emotions surfaced. Anticipation. Hope. Excitement. Triumph. Anger. Failure. My right hand almost wrapped around the bar, but fell just short. All my hope and value were crushed in one moment. I fell. I failed. This was the end of my life.

This is not how I am called to live as a child of God. God’s love goes way beyond my performance, which is very a good thing. My performance has a limit, God’s love does not. I need to realize this and take refuge in it. No longer does my life need to be ruined when I fail.

I fell only a inches before the belay team standing on the ground stopped me. My harness held. The top rope belay system took the shock of my fall. I was lowered to the ground safely.

There is a freedom in not finding my self-worth in my performance. When I do fall “the harness” of God’s love catches me. It was holding me the entire time. It really doesn’t matter to God that I couldn’t complete the goal. At first glance this makes it seem as if I don’t even have to try. Indeed, why would I if I knew God loved me no matter what? So in a since, this ideology makes it harder to try hard. I am okay with that. I like to try hard. However, my reason for trying hard is different now. No longer for my self-esteem but to push myself and grow.

Backpacking Photos

Landscape
Josh Climbing
Dylan and Josh making the tarp shelter
Toby, Tory’s son
Toby and Ethan
Oren
Tarp Shelter
Landscape
Nathan
Landscape
Mom looking after her little chicks
Team
Dylan and Josh Fighting on top of the mountain
Landscape
Landscape
Kerry and Nathan under tarp shelter
Nathan, Josh, Kerry
Landscape
Josh, Nathan
Landscape
Me on a ledge
Josh on a ledge
Nathan
Samantha, Josh, Kimberly
Kerry’s tarp shelter
Nathan in sleeping bag
Josh, Kimberly, Nathan
Landscape
Landscape
Nathan with Hawk
Doug’s broken arm
Julie
Mr. Collins
Nathan
Samantha playing Blood Sport
Nathan playing Blood Sport
Dylan playing Blood Sport
Dustin slacklining
Nathan Slacklining
Nathan and Dylan
Moosen on backpacking trip
Nathan, Josh, Dylan, Me
Me annoyed at Nathan
Tory’s boys nice and dirty
Kerry
Dylan and Josh jumping into frigid cold water
Kimberly pumping water
Frost on sleeping bag
Nathan and I on Cliff Peak
Dylan diving
Josh diving
Samantha, Dylan, Kerry, Josh, Kimberly
Me
The Raft

Rafting and more

Sorry for not updating in a while. I have been pretty exhausted after doing skills everyday. We only get Sunday’s off. Everyday breakfast starts at 7:30 and from then on, we are busy until supper which starts at 6pm. Several times I have sat down to write something on this blog, but have just not felt up to it.

We started off last week with rock climbing. That was pretty fun. We learned how to build our own anchors, how to belay, proper climbing form, and lots of knots. Rock climbing is pretty hard physically. I tend to use a lot of arm strength and not utilize my leg power enough. I have been called a monkey and also spiderman because I arm my way up the rock.

Rock climbing can be scary. Even though you have a rope to catch you if you fall, sometimes looking down will make you nervous. I don’t have a big fear of heights, but we had this one climb that did scare me a bit. Kimberly took some photos; I will try and get them later. Nathan’s dad also took some, but those might be a little harder to get.

After rock climbing for three days, we switched to white water rafting. We had an amazing time. Well, at least I did. The two girls on our team had a hard time overcoming their fears. We did some scary stuff like swimming down a rapid, and other exercises. The girls did push through their fears though, and completed everything. Neither of them will specialize in rafting though.

The first day of rafting was cold and rainy. We started off by rafting down some class 1&2 rapids, and then doing a team swim for about 10 minutes. That was the coldest I have ever been. My team was worried I might be starting to get hypothermia. All I know was that I was cold. Despite the water being about 32.5 degrees, it was almost harder to get out of it back on the raft and into the wind. I was only wearing a wetsuit and my fleece jacket.

After lunch, we went back out to the river to do some rescue training. That was fun. I was able to borrow a dry top jacket from one of the camp staffers, which helped a lot. Rescue training consisted of throwing rope bags to staffers who were floating down the river. That is harder than it sounds because you have to time the throw just right and be able to throw hard enough. Then we all floated down a really small rapid into what they call a strainer, which for us was a 6 inch PVC pipe wedged between two rocks. We had to try and climb over the pipe without touching the bottom. The force of the current was really strong in this area, so it was really hard. I was only person on my team to make it over.

The next two days were a blast. We had sunny weather which made all the difference. I wasn’t too cold at all. Maybe my body was still in shock and numb from the first day. We rafted down class 2&3 rapids, and ended up flipping the boat (the first team to do so) on the last rapid of all. Dylan kinda did it on purpose. He was trying to dump every body out and just ended up flipping. It was a blast (well, I thought so). Afterwards we did raft flipping training.

I have tons of stories to tell and am leaving a lot out, but I have to get ready for church. I will try and upload pictures later on today. Nathan has a waterproof camera and took some photos of the raft trip. I will try and get those.

Camp Life

Yesterday we had some team building activities. First, we hiked up to the cross (see photos). I chucked the frisbee from the top, that was so cool to watch. After we got back down, we headed over to the mud hole. We had to carry our entire team across the pond (about 30 feet). To do this, we had to make two trips. First, Dylan and I carried Nathan and Josh on our backs, while holding up Kimberly in the middle with our arms Kerry carried Samantha. That was fun. You were stepping mid calf deep in mud, and if you dropped anybody or fell you had to start over. We all had to stay connected. We made it, and then Josh carried me and Nathan carried Dylan back across. We spread mud across our faces for war paint.

Then we had to swim across the river and back. That was brutal. Cold. Freezing.

We visited our new host family tonight. It is Tory’s family (the camp director). They were fun. They have 3 little boys and one baby girl. We played this game we called blood somethingorother. Basically, you had to bend down on one leg and pick up a cereal box with your teeth without losing your balance. Kerry kept cutting the box shorter and shorter. If you fell twice you were out. It came down to Aaron and I. Arron is a staff member at Bighorn. We both made it past the 4 inch mark, and now the goal was 3 inches. If you don’t think this is hard then I challenge you to try it. I grabbed the box in my teeth but fell. Aaron was able to do it.

Tomorrow I plan on starting a personal workout, since it seems none of my team is ready to start.

We have classes all day till 5pm or so. Some of the class time is spent doing activities outside, but a lot of it is in the classroom. Thankfully we have not been assigned any new homework.

Camp Photos

Scott and Joel playing pingpong
The Lodge (where we eat)
The Discover houses
The cross on top of the mountain
Nice
Dawson, Danny, Evelyn, Shayla
Red team hiking up to the cross
From the top at the cross
Camp
Took a pic of the fris before I threw it off the top
Zoomed in at the fris on the ground
Read Team minus Nathan
Kimberly
Nathan and Dylan
Cool
Kimberly and Kerry climbing down
Julie posing and others
Josh posing
Josh
Josh
Josh
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